Lightspun Thoughts

The random ramblings of a christian canadian computer geek gamer guy

An actual update on life and things (for lack of a better subject)
Wow, I really haven't updated in a while.   Things like this have a way of getting away from me, it seems. :P   Comparing my last post to my current state (especially employment), not a lot has changed - yes, I found a job, but after being laid off the last post remains quite true.   I'm unemployed.   Not job-hunting, though.   I probably should be.   But I have a goal: to run my own business and get it off its feet without the support (if possible) of a good, solid paying job.   That and now I just despise the idea of working for someone else - during my six months of employment I forgot how awesome it feels to be FREE. :P

Regarding the business (web hosting, if you didn't know), things have been going kind of well - I have a general idea of what I want to accomplish, and I'm mostly ready to start advertising and accepting customers.   But the website's not done yet and without my source files (like Photoshop PSDs) I can't really finish it, since they're on my desktop PC and it's currently out of commission while I wait for my replacement power supply.   Yeah, it's a lame excuse - I have a horrible tendency to procrastinate and be lazy, even for something as serious and important as my own business - but really, having to remake a bunch of stuff just doesn't appeal to me. :P   I do have the automated billing system set up, so really all that remains (aside from the main site) is to customize the billing system theme and integrate it into my site.   Which I would have done by now, except that I've never done it before and have no idea how.   It's supposed to be as easy as converting a site design into a wordpress theme (which I've done), but it's not working for me for some reason.

Aside from that, I'm having a great long weekend (except for me, every day is part of the weekend... >_>).   The weather today was just awesome, I was up early (for me - 8:00 AM), went to church, which is something I actually admit I haven't done since Christmas (and that was just for a puppet show I had to do).   And man, I really needed it.   I've been so wrapped up in everything going on (my business, for one) that I've just gone off track, and I really need to get closer to God.   The sermon today was great, talking about three stages in a Christian's life - Entry, where you accept Christ and establish your belief that he died for us.   You are saved because of this.   But the next stage is the middle one, where you believe but God's not really Lord of your life.   You say 'Jesus is Lord, hallelujah', but there's still so much... garbage, if you will, inside.   One of my friends was recently going through this stage.   He basically started questioning if God was really still there, if he was listening to his prayers for help, and he really went off track.   He's a strong Christian, but he got too wrapped up in the world.   He hid it from everybody for a while, though, even going so far as to just stay at home by himself all the time, and it just got worse.   Eventually he got around to talking to us, and we prayed for him, and he's back with us now, leading the worship team as he usually does.   Anyway, at that stage, you're in the process of being saved - where you have so much baggage, and you offer it to God and he takes it bit by bit, and changes it into good.   I'd say I'm somewhere in between this stage and the first - I believe, for sure, I'm a Christian, and therefore I'm saved, but I definitely started having doubts if God could hear me sometimes.   I know he has a plan for me, though, and after today, I really saw it.   Not that I know what it is yet.   But I know he hasn't left us, and I intend to just give everything up to him.   He needs to be the Lord of your life, our pastor said, and that means fully in control.   Not just when you feel like it. :P

The third and final stage is the exit, where you've been transformed by Christ.   This is where you're going to be saved, apparently.   I thought it was a bit odd that the first stage was 'You are saved', where this one was 'Going to be saved', but I'm not about to argue with my pastor about it. :P

Aside from doing some introspective thinking, praying, and stuff, I hung outside a lot today, which is also something I haven't done in a while.   I really hope this summer will continue to be this nice.   I went for a bike ride with the family this evening (which is what inspired this post, actually, even though this is now officially the butt end of it :P), and for some reason I really felt like going for a paddle in a canoe.   The river was really calm.   Which would be great, and I would have done so, except for the tiny problem of not having a canoe.   Also, I need a new bike.   Mine's apparently too small for me, which I was inclined to disagree with, until I tried my mom's bike, which I had previously decided was too large.   Now it's actually pretty okay, so I might have to look in to that at some point.

So there you go.   A not-so-small update in a huge wall of text that you'll probably have to be happy with, because I can't guarantee I'll be writing another post anytime soon. :P   I also had other stuff to say, and everything else to say in a more precise, thought-out way, but now I just ended up rambling.   I hope you don't mind. :P

Vertimyst haz a job (Take 1)
Ahh... job hunting.   The endless search of up and down, high and low, left and right, applying everywhere, grasping at air and random odd jobs to hopelessly try and scrape some cash into your pocket.

I recently started that hunt.   Or rather, started it up again.   Back in January, I applied at an inn, and at McDonalds.   Fruitlessly.   Meh, January's not the best time to try and get a job. :P

So today I had an all-day puppet practice from 9:00 AM to 3:00 PM, which technically was from 6:30 (when I got up) to 4:00 (when we finally left the church).

When I got home I found out that I got a call from some people that were looking for someone to stack wood for them (I had seen their ad and called about it) - so tomorrow I'm going over for 8:00.   Bleh, this is Summer, I should be sleeping in instead of getting up early... :P

I've also gotten rid of 3 out of 7 copies of my resume, one to the local general store, one to a video rental store, and the last to one of the local grocery stores (the only place that's actually hiring, AFAIK), and which I dropped off today, and filled out an application form.

So yes - I have a job.   That job being Professional Job Seeker. :P

In other news, I'm shocked to find out that today Michael Jackson has died of a heart attack/coma, at the age of 50.   He's leaving behind a great legacy that, like so many other artists, started out epic and dwindled from there.   Unfortunately, not only did he leave behind such classics as Thriller, but he left behind several controversies.   I sha'nt mention them here, but unless you've been living under a rock for the past 10-20 years (give or take a few), you should know what I mean.

At the same time as being shocked, I'm also only slightly surprised - considering what he's done to his body, if I were him, I'd probably die too.   And apparently he had been in ill health for a while as well.   *sigh*... the entertainment industry doesn't seem to be the healthiest business these days.

As I write this, the clock is slowly ticking its way to the inevitable time.   That time, when the moon shines brightest overhead, the wolves lift up their heads in an echoing chorus, and all the night is silent.

That time, as of 19 seconds ago, is Mitternacht - Midnight.

It is at this time that many of my best ideas come to fruition, when my writing, for example, blossoms and achieves its best state.

For it is at this time, my thoughts somehow find a focus, amid the perpetual whirlwind of brainstorming.   I greedily snatch up this focus, and feed off of it, as a vampire would feed off one's lifeblood.

For it is when the sun rises, that my greatest ideas flee, to hide under the rocks and in the cracks, until the moon reigns over the seemingly eternal blackness.

And yet I find, that no matter how much one writes, one cannot truly feel happy with his or her work.   The reason being that one must make progress.

Progress is what drives us, what gives us purpose.   I last spoke of goals; and indeed, goals are the driver behind that progress.   Without goals, we cannot make progress.   Without progress, we fail at achieving one of our basest desires: the sense of accomplishment.

And sadly, one cannot obtain progress without first making progress, but to make progress, one must first start making progress to begin with.

It is a confusing concept, and one I feel you cannot begin to understand unless you are in such a situation yourself.

One such person, who obviously did not understand, was Dolores Umbridge, from Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix.

"Progress for the sake of progress must be discouraged."

However, I also must agree with her - although I believe you can't make progress without making progress, making progress purely for the sake of making progress (without truly achieving anything) is surely a waste of time, because then you are feeding yourself a lie, trying to feed that desire for progress with nothing but cans of water, if you will.   Hunger cannot truly be sated only through drink, after all - you must have a meal with your beverage.

I remember Drizzt Do'Urden (a character in the Forgotten Realms universe, especially in the books by R.A Salvatore) talking about goals at one point.   I don't have the exact quote, and I don't recall what he said, really.   But I do know the point was that, without goals, we are nothing, so to speak.

I have to agree with him.

If I don't set goals for myself each day, I'll just sit and idle doing nothing, aside from replaying a bunch of video games I finished, like, three years ago.   I get nothing done, and gain nothing from it, just lose a lot of my time.

Goals are very important.   Short-term goals are especially helpful.   For example, if I say I want to finish a couple chapters of a story I'm working on, I'll do that until it's done, instead of doing nothing.   I have to keep working towards goals or else I'll get sidetracked, though.   I'll often try to do research for an article I need to write, and end up 'researching' the history of a favorite video game series.

Of course, if we dread working on a goal, it'll never get done.   That's why I try to look at everything in a positive light.   An example (albeit not a very good one) is I like to take walks, but my lazier side prefers to simply sit in front of my laptop.   I'll keep telling myself I should be 'working on something', when in fact it's just an excuse to not go for a walk, since that 'something' isn't usually something I can concentrate on at the time, yet want to.   Besides, like I said, I enjoy going for walks, especially this time of year.

I was reading a thread on a forum I occasionally visit, and in the thread a guy confessed to spending years of his life idling, playing video games, and reading.   As is usually the case, he was using those activities as a way out of the real world.   His parents had broke up, and although he didn't want to show it, he was really affected by it.   As a result, he felt he didn't know who he was anymore.   His 'old self' was living back in the few years that had passed.

I'm like that myself, sort of.   Somehow, I've managed lose myself.   Not from trying to hide from an event in my life, but rather from simply idling.   Instead of concentrating on my important goals, the ones that define who I am, that allow me to express myself, I've hidden in a dark closet, tapping buttons and staring at a bunch of pixels on a screen.

My result is that I feel that I've lost so many years of time.

And, like the guy that posted the aforementioned thread, I'm picking up the pieces.

My point is that you should never lose sight of your goals.   They allow you to keep hold of yourself, of your dreams.   For that is what they are: dreams.   What you aspire to is who you are, and if you lose sight of your goals you lose sight of yourself.

My advice?   Keep working toward your goals.   The satisfaction of victory is priceless, and even more so is the knowledge that you have accomplished another goal as well: you know who you are.

Time 2 get funky
So I'm gonna make like an average LJer and use a song title as my subject.   Cliche?   Oh, yes, definitely.

Anyway, this is more of a random rambling rant, more than anything else.   I just have this insatiable urge to unleash my inner ranter. :P (Gotta love that word, btw - 'insatiable')

I have several annoyances, but my topmost is probably the fact that my external HDD is currently unusable.   Mostly my fault, of course - I have a cancel-happy trigger finger, or something like that (I hit cancel on a partition operation, rendering all my data deleted).

As a result, I've lost all my anime, all my music, all my downloads, a couple movies... I'm cool about it, though, because I can always restore it with a restoration program I have, but my main problem is really that I don't have anywhere to restore it to.   It's about 200 GB of data, and my laptop's HDD is... less than 100 GB.   Happy day. -_-

My second annoyance is my server.   I've been having issues with my ISP,  so I took my server down until they were resolved.   They are, but now my network needs to reconfigured to properly prioritize my traffic - i.e, video streaming has higher priority than P2P downloading, which has a higher priority than web browsing, etc...   So the server's down until that gets set up.   I miss my website. :/

Anyway, I've ranted myself out, so I'm gonna go... do something.

So I've finally gotten around to creating a new LJ account.

New, you ask?   Well, I did (and still do) have an account here, but I'm not gonna use it, hehe... teh_ds is pretty dead as far as I'm concerned. :P

Anyway, the reason I resurrected my LJ presence is... well, two reasons, actually: A), most of my friends use it, and B), my other blog is more of a tech blog now, more than anything, so this will become my personal journal. (The word blog seems to be more suited to a tech column type thing anyway.)

So aye - here I am, hello to you. ;)


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